The Simple Life

Work/Life Tools

Family and Friends

New Talk About Work
by Ellen Galinsky

Surprisingly few parents talk directly about what they do at work with their kids. That leaves children to glean information from overheard conversations and offhand remarks, and these snippets can lead to misperceptions. Ask the Children found that only two out of five kids think their parents truly love what they do, when three out of five parents actually say they like their work a lot. Here are some ideas for talking intentionally to your kids about the world of work.

• Arrange for your children to visit you at the office. Introduce them to co-workers and, if they have time, ask your colleagues to explain what they do. Perhaps you could even have your son or daughter help you photocopy papers or stuff envelopes. If your children can't visit, take a snapshot of your workplace so they have a visual image of where you spend your days.
• Tell them why you work. Sure, most of us work for money, but there's usually more to it than that. So let kids know the full array of reasons you do what you do. Even if you are truly working for the paycheck, you can explain why you're in that situation and what you hope for them in the future.
• Talk about your bad days and your good days. Explain what you find interesting about your work, and what lessons you've learned. If you've had a bad day, talk about it directly and honestly with your children in terms they can understand, stressing that it isn't their fault you're upset. This will help them see that there are positive ways of handling stress.
• Use these discussions to teach life lessons. Some parents like to use their work stories to teach kids how important it is to be able to get along with a wide variety of people. Another parent stressed how important it is to not just complain about problems, but to try to fix them. The key: Always be conscious of the message you're sending.
• Pretend to switch roles. A doctor can let her daughter play with her stethoscope; a secretary can help her kids set up an office, complete with a phone, a headset and an old computer. Kids learn through play, and when you watch them pretend to do what you do, you'll get a good picture of how they view your work.
• Talk about what is working and what isn't in how you are navigating work and family life, and problem-solve together. You can start this conversation by talking about other children who have shared this kind of information with their parents or as a discussion about a television show, book, or movie. Listen to what they say, then work with them to generate multiple solutions to the problem without evaluating them. Next, discuss what would work and what wouldn't about each solution. Finally, select a solution to try out.